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Post by Shifter on Jan 9, 2011 20:27:51 GMT -5
When his hand slipped under her shirt, Aislynn froze. It wasn't just the fact that he was touching her like that, but also that she couldn't see him; she didn't know where his hand was, or where it was coming from, or what it was going to do. Even if she could feel it, she couldn't see it. And that had her mind flashing back.
Her tail started to lash, before going completely limp, as it had on that night. She placed her hands on his chest, pushing him slightly, trying to get him away from her. A whimper escaped, even as her breathing picked up. She shuddered.
"No, don't," she begged, her voice a mixture of a panicked human's, and a kicked kitten's. She ducked down, trying to lower her head - and attempt to morph without any actual morphing going on. Her body shuddered.
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Dusk
Disastrous 
Posts: 100
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Post by Dusk on Jan 9, 2011 20:38:01 GMT -5
At the first negative sign, that hand was by his side. That hand now held hers gently, stroking with his thumb.
"It's okay," he reassured. "I won't. Promise. I'm sorry, Lynn." He kissed her cheek. "It's a slow process, but you're overcoming. I'm so proud of you."
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Post by Shifter on Jan 9, 2011 20:44:49 GMT -5
It took her a moment to come back to the present, to remember that she wasn't there, and the hands touching her were not Switchblade's, but Bastian's. A shiver ran down her spine, and Aislynn reached up, to touch the 'X' the monster had carved into her cheek that night. It had now healed, to become a scar, but...it was a constant reminder.
Every time Bastian looked at her, he saw that scar. She wondered how he did it, how he could stand to look at her when she bore the mark of a monter. And the scars on her stomach, the fluer on her thigh...
Aislynn touched her forehead to his stomach. Her shoulders heaved, evidence of how hard she was fighting to hold back a sob.
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Dusk
Disastrous
Posts: 100
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Post by Dusk on Jan 9, 2011 20:53:23 GMT -5
He held her, comforting her. "You're okay," he whispered. For her, those scars were a reminder of pain. For him, they were a reminder of failure. He'd failed her that night. They were a constant reminder that the man who'd done this to his love was still out there.
He ran his hand through her hair, brushing back a stray tear. "I'm here, you'll be fine. I'll never let anything happen to you." Bastian wasn't just a boyfriend. He was her best friend, a shoulder--or stomach--to cry on. He'd be there no matter what.
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Post by Shifter on Jan 9, 2011 21:19:20 GMT -5
She sobbed then, unable to hold the emotions back any longer. The tears slipped from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks slowly. Even when she looked up at him, Aislynn couldn't hold back the stray emotions. She was conflicted; she felt worthless, helpless. Her own boyfriend couldn't touch her without her suddenly lashing out.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I'm sorry you can't touch me. I'm sorry I'm practically worthless to you." Leaning over, she touched her forehead to his chest this time, sobbed. "I wish you could touch me. I wish I could let you get that close to me..."
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Dusk
Disastrous
Posts: 100
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Post by Dusk on Jan 9, 2011 21:23:20 GMT -5
"You're not worthless...you got farther than ever without a whimper. I took it too fast. I'm sorry. We will. But I'm not going to rush you. You take all the time you need." He held onto her.
"It's my fault...if I was half the man I'm supposed to be, he'd be dead. I let you down..." He sobbed, sort of hiding his tearstained face.
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Post by Shifter on Jan 9, 2011 21:37:07 GMT -5
Aislynn whimpered, pressing against him. She closed her eyes tighter; her body started to tremble. Now Bastian was upset. He was upset because of her. Because she was weak and allowed herself to get hurt, he was now upset. It made her want to whine, or curl up in a ball.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered again. "I'm so sorry..."
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Dusk
Disastrous
Posts: 100
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Post by Dusk on Jan 9, 2011 21:41:56 GMT -5
He shook off the depression, feeling more angry at Kevin now than anything.
"It's not your fault. Nor is it mine," he said firmly yet quietly. "What's done is done, yes. But I can make sure it never happens again. This hasn't hurt our relationship any. So what if we don't have sex? You're getting over your fear. Progress. Sex isn't everything, no matter how much I may want it. I'd rather go my entire life without it than lose you. You're worth everything to me, with or without. As long as you're the first thing I see in the morning, and the last at night, I'm happy."
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Post by Shifter on Jan 9, 2011 21:57:17 GMT -5
Aislynn slowly opened her eyes as Bastian spoke, tilting her head just enough that she could look at him. She sniffled, pressing against him; her body curled against him, desperate for the warmth. She knew he was here, and she knew he wasn't going to hurt her. In her heart, she knew he wasn't going to hurt her. But her body, her mind... They were terrified of the thought of sex.
"I... I want to be able to give this to you," she murmured, then drew in a shakey breath. "Even if I couldn't give you my innocence, I want to give this to you, but... I'm scared. I know you won't hurt me. I really do. But I don't... I don't know how to tell myself that."
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Dusk
Disastrous
Posts: 100
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Post by Dusk on Jan 9, 2011 22:04:42 GMT -5
"I know you do. It just makes me happy that you're with me. And like I said, you're trying." He kissed her forehead. "You can do it. The hardest part of conquering a fear is getting past yourself. Me, I can ignore it. I rush in like a damned fool. But that...yeah that doesn't work every time either, sometimes I get hurt. Bad..."
He held onto her. "No matter what, you'll have me. And I'll always you."
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Post by Shifter on Jan 9, 2011 22:13:58 GMT -5
"I love you, Bastian... I love you more than I could ever admit. I know... I know this isn't what you wanted, but you're still here, with me," gently, hesitantly, Aislynn reached up to touch her lips to his chin again. "And I truly appreciate it. You don't know how much it means to me that you haven't abandoned me."
She curled her body against him, like a cat who had found a space heater. Her tail reached up, touching his thigh before moving to his calf. Her head rested in the corner of his arm and side.
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Dusk
Disastrous
Posts: 100
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Post by Dusk on Jan 9, 2011 22:20:26 GMT -5
He smiled, letting his arms rest on her back. He kissed her forehead, then her cheek. He was just enjoying the contact they did get.
She had her tail on his thigh, then his calf, but his hands stayed where they were. Without her say-so, he wasn't doing anything else.
"I'd never abandon you. You're all I have to live for. I love you."
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Post by Shifter on Jan 9, 2011 22:38:34 GMT -5
A smile formed on her face, and Aislynn reached up, pecking his lips lightly. "Cats aren't supposed to mate for life, or even form a bond like I've formed, but... I love you. I've loved you for a long time." She pecked his lips again, then moved so she could gently touch his hand.
Without a word, she moved his hand to her hip. She didn't know what she was doing, but she knew this felt right. Even if they couldn't have sex, they could still be intimate. She could let him as close to her as possible, and work on it.
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Dusk
Disastrous
Posts: 100
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Post by Dusk on Jan 9, 2011 22:50:00 GMT -5
He kept his hand where she put it, loving it. He looked into her eyes lovingly. His other hand gripped hers.
"I know. And I'm grateful for you. I don't know how I lived without you."
He gave her a peck on her own lips. Then another, and another. His eyes closed. "God, I love you."
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Post by Shifter on Jan 9, 2011 22:56:48 GMT -5
With every kiss, her heart fluttered, filling her with a sort of joy she had only felt a few times before. Her stomach flipped, flopped; it made her crave him, want him. God, she hated how afraid she was of this, because she desperately wanted to show Bastian how much she loved him.
But it was difficult.
She squeezed his hand with hers lightly, but warmly. "I love you, too, Bastian," she murmured, and Aislynn reached up to actually kiss him properly. Her tail ran up his leg.
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